The Last Letter

I have used the word “last letter” many times before, I know. It is something to do with you though, I keep coming back and write you one more letter. I have “Desperately” by Don Williams playing in the background as I write this letter, the song which we used to sing for each other, only this time it is our memories who is singing.

We met on the fateful night of 21^st February, 2007, to change each other’s life forever. I have probably impacted your life more than anyone. I’m sure John (current boyfriend) will leave me behind in a couple of years or possibly, already has. We started our roller coaster ride which touched more lows than highs. Through them all, what kept us together was the new feeling we kept experiencing, it was beautiful and it was refreshing, even the fights. But it finally reached a point beyond repair when I thought calling it off is the only good thing. Life is strange, it still kept making us meet in the most unbelievable co-incidences for sometime until we suddenly went off for long.

I was an egoistic boy back then, I know, but I have fantastically changed I believe. Life has taught me to be more considerate about others feelings, become more honest and much softer, bottom-line, less of an ass. I’m positive, you were able to notice the change as well, in the recent talks we had, I joke more, I am cooler about various things and I travel more. I have felt guilty of calling it off when you were so crazy about me, but I think the guilt has reduced over the period of time considering I have suffered my own share of troubles during the phase. I have kept asking myself what is love; I think we both know it very well now, in our own twisted ways. I am genuinely happy that you have found a true partner in John, everyone eventually does. I think I have found a good partner in Laura as well, as you made me realize.

We are having the best time in our respective lives. Me, I have a good job, a good girl, more freedom to have adventures since the expenses are my own and a much more balanced head on my shoulders. Yourself, you have a good guy, a chance to learn again and have more fun.

The recent talks that we have had has brought our relationship to a much needed closure it was looking for, a healthy goodbye. Because as in the novel Life of Pi by Yann Martel, Pi Patel says, “I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye.” It is in this perfect moment when we have realized to the core that everything was for the good that we are not bonded by the chains of ifs and buts anymore.

I will miss you, your mischief, your one of a kind acts, sliding on the corridor, your “chik chiks” and your “nees”, your anecdotes of how you joked and made every one laugh and some more. I will miss the girl who loved me so much, that she held on to it for so many years, from school days when she used to stare at me from a distance and smile with her shyness to the girl who admitted her love one fateful night, “Yes donkey, I love you!”  I will miss the girl who hung up the first time she heard my voice in a long time, because she found it sexy. I will miss the girl who kept waiting for me to look back when I was walking off the garden after our first date and I will miss the girl who blew me flying kiss from the train. I will miss your poems of disturbing pain and undying love and I will miss the girl who quietly suffered convulsions without ever sharing them with me when I was busy getting angry on you for not picking up my call.

It’s time to let go, it’s time to turn the page and start a new chapter in both of our lives, the one where we don’t exist anymore, not in thoughts, neither in dreams nor by accidents. This is a perfect goodbye. You will never hear from me again my Teddy Bear. If at all I do come any day, then I hope you remember me in positive light, as a good man or as a man who tried to be good.